All That Time You Thought I Was Sad But I Was Just Trying To Remember Your Name

I’m not sure why, but I feel kind of bad. This morning I watched the whole big Sorry, just like a good girl, but I spent the whole time thinking that it was just such a ridiculous, and unnecessary stunt. I know it made so many people happy, and it made them cry, but did it actually do anything worthwhile?
I don’t know what my issue with the whole Sorry campaign is, but it’s something. I don’t see why we should be saying sorry in our generation for the mistakes of a past generation. Furthermore, they were mistakes that were masked by the political context of the era.
Partly, I think my disagreement comes from the fact that someone who had previously had no idea of their indigenous heritage (all 1/16th of it) can go and randomly choose a tribe, attend a few meetings, and get accepted into a Medicine degree, despite the fact that based on marks they had little reason to even be accepted into a Nursing one. Who are we really saying Sorry to?
There is no reason that changes to benefit the indigenous community couldn’t have been implemented without this public spectacle being made. I am dubious in regards to what the outcome of this will be. Such a public stunt doesn’t necessarily bode well for any effective action.
I do profess, however, that the struggles of the Stolen Generation are very real, and I understand this, I just don’t agree that this generation of Australia should be apologising for the actions that destroyed their lives.

I’m not sure why I have an opinion on this, and it probably won’t affect me in the least. I am writing this whilst waiting for an appropriate time to leave for my job trial at a Vodafone shop. It didn’t get blown up with the rest of the Broadway Shopping Centre yesterday (at 1.45pm, a mere ten minutes after I left). Things do not seem particularly fire safe in Ultimo/Broadway at the moment, I guess.
I really would like to get this job, I think. It’s close, and it sounds easy and it sounds like the hours will be nicely flexible, and it seems like it’s a good oppurtunity. Not in the least because I will be on the phone rather than in person, and so there won’t be anyone who complains that I don’t smile enough.
It’s not my fault, I don’t think I am a smiling kind of person, really.

Yesterday I bought the entire series of The Office (UK of course). That was mostly because I am an erratic shopper and make random decisions that I may or may not later regret, but also because I rented the first season of the American version, and the only redeeming factor was the almost sickeningly sweet scene of Jim and Pam asleep on his shoulder.
What can I say, I may rejoice in the bitterness of the human experience on film, but sometimes I’m just a sucker for romance.

I don’t really have anything else to add, except, well I really don’t.
A Bientot.

Don’t You Know It’s Insane?

OhMyGosh.
Nando’s on Mountain Street got blown up. It doesn’t really affect me anymore, but OhMyGosh.
I enrolled at UTS. I am an official student. They can’t take it back now.
I actually have 11.5 hours, not 9.5 but I don’t really care. I go to uni every day except Thursday, but I still don’t care. Hopefully, I’ll be finished every day by 11.30am, except Monday when I finish at 2pm. I really don’t care. I’m really excited.

I did say that I wasn’t going to write about the Soundtrack To My Life again, but I have been listening to Vampire Weekend so much lately, and I have to say Walcott seems to sum up all the reasons I can’t stay in Newcastle.
WALCOTT DON’T YOU KNOW THAT IT’S INSANE?
DON’T YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF CAPE COD? OUT OF CAPE COD TONIGHT?
Mmm. Leaving home. Funnest thing ever.
I’m going to look for a job, soon, I totally promise.

I also love Oxford Comma, because who doesn’t love a song about grammar, and I love Campus because it’s almost a premonition, and I love I Stand Corrected because I love nasty, bitter sarcasm, and I love Mansford Rood and I love and I love and I love and I love Vampire Weekend.
Terrible name from a terrible movie that Ezra the lead singer was in, but rocking african/indie beats and oh so wonderful.

i’m just not a desirable candidate

So tonight was the first time that I have cried in a long time, I can’t even remember how long. I don’t really know why, but it was mostly because the cafe that I thought had employed me finally told me when I was working next: never. I wouldn’t have expected it to be such a viable position, except for the fact that I was told that they wanted me back, and I was told that I was doing well. Today, after calling of course twice a day for about four days now I finally, probably accidentally, got onto the manager who said she’d changed her mind because I wasn’t experienced enough. I asked why, and she told me it’s because she thought I would have had more apptitude in taking orders, which I wasn’t allowed to do while I was working there, and with washing glasses, which I had already told her that I’d never done before.
I don’t think it’s my fault, because I was very keen, very straightforward with my experience, and I was doing what I thought, and what I was told that I should have been doing. Apparently there isn’t enough work at the moment in the area, though, and even Tom is getting sent home from work early, not even spending much time in the cellar door. It’s just unlucky, I hope, that this is the second time that this has happened, but I felt bad. So I cried. It helps.

I hope that this doesn’t really lay the pattern to be followed by the rest of the week, because in just a few days I will get (or not get) the uni offers that I am waiting for. It’s kind of stressful. Either way, more tears are probably imminent.

nineteen I’M ONLY NINETEEN FOR GOD’S SAKE

I made a CD with nineteen songs because that’s what I am. It was primarily for use in my car so when I got sick of the radio I’d have some kind of back up, and primarily for use while driving to my job. So far this hasn’t worked out wholly, but at least in part I used it today when I drove to my other job (the one where I’m barely employed) to question why I haven’t even been paid for most of the meager hours I did work.
It’s not a bad CD, mostly lame songs that make me smile, but it did remind me of the songs I love that I’ve completely forgotten. Like the Strokes. I forgot how much I loved them. Also, that awfully cute song by Sixpence None The Richer that I first heard watching Dawson’s Creek (lame) that always tugs at my heartstrings. :P
So I felt so good driving home and singing along to the lyrics whilst fellow drivers watched me embarrass myself at traffic lights.
More importantly is the fact that I do not know when I am going to be working next. It was supposed to be today or maybe tomorrow, but they were meant to call me. They didn’t. They also didn’t get back to me yet from when I did call a few hours ago. Why do people hire me yet do not actually employ me?
I always feel bad about telling Mum as if it is somehow my fault, but I have to realise that it’s not. Like she said when I did tell her though, it’s a wonder I haven’t gotten a complex. Not yet, anyway.
In more positive news, though, apart from an abundance of uncertainty over my job I have had a good week. James is home, oh my gosh, finally, so I went to Sydney. I tried to make it a surprise when I turned up on Sunday night, but about 20 minutes from Central Station I started to question the fairness and I sort of let it be known. I feel bad about it, though, now that I know it would have been fine, and just really much more exciting. Especially with a slurpee. Oops.
It was such a relief to no longer be an entire state away and to finally get some good Indian without having to drive half an hour into town, although I didn’t get dahl. I also got the six hour epic mini series of the BBC Pride and Prejudice which is brilliant, if long and we watched it. All. In one day. It was so nice, though!
We also rode on the ferris wheel, which was totally westie, but a nice thought to be following through with. :P
I really wish Abby hadn’t moved so far away, but I feel like I should have gone to see her when I was there. If I had had just a little more time, I think I would have, but as it was it seemed like just enough with James. Still, I didn’t want to leave..
I honestly can’t wait until I move back to Sydney. These few months are going to drive me insane.
x

job!

mmm at Leaves & Fishes, a cafe in the Hunter Valley Vineyards mmm. Actually, it’s a lot smaller than Harrigans, and it’s alot better just over all, and I am so glad that I can breathe a sigh of relief.
It’s actually a fish farm, which is kind of cool. Part of the seating is over the dam, and it’s actually good food. That is the biggest change, because I would actually recommend the food rather than be disgusted by it.
Although they think that I go to Newcastle Uni and don’t know that I’m actually planning on moving back to Sydney….but that’s okay because apparently I have a recognisable face, and one girl is convinced she recognises me from campus. Oops, maybe?
mmm money.
xx